Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
