At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Randomize
