im drinking this country out of the recession.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
