One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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