Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
