Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
