Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
