my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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