Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
