how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
