Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
