at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
