This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
