Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize