i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
