gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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