LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
