There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize