im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Randomize
