I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
