Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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