Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize