I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
