I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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