I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize