I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
