glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
