I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
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