so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
