How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
