but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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