who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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