Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
