On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
