I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize