I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
