no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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