i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
