Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Randomize
