Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
