You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My vagina is officially offended.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
