ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Don't make out with my wife yet
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
