break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
