Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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