I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
