he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
