Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize