i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
