I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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