3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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