i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
