was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
