put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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