Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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