I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize