was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize