I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
