Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
