how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
