my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
