I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
