Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Randomize