I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
