if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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