Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
