You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
