If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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