My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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