you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
