I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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