I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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