My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
