why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
