Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Randomize
