he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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