he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Sober January is a disaster.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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