I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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