i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
