Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize