You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
