Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
