Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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