i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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