Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
