He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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