i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
