Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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