I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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