why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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